Nanchang Day 4

Well, we are definitely ready to be out of Nanchang and on our way to Guangzhou. Today Lexie had a great day, but night time was still the same. Billy is the man. She calls out to her foster mother still, which isn't getting any easier to bear. It is saddening beyond belief. I'm hoping that she will start to forget that part of her life so that she can heal and move along. Maybe we can come back in 5 or 10 years so that she can see her again. Today another foster mother came to the hotel looking for her baby, which makes us the last one. Lexie's hasn't returned, but we're pretty certain that she lives in a village outside of town, so I doubt she will be able to come into the city. At least I hope not. I shouldn't say that - I really would love to see her, to meet her, to talk to her, to thank her for giving our baby the care and guidance that has made her what she is. Lexie obviously was trained very well by somebody - she can do so many things already by herself. But, I couldn't afford for Lexie to see her again and lose the progress we have made over the past several days. Most of the babies are starting to show a little more life each day. They have been smiling more, eating better, and seem a bit more content. I'm sure the process lasts for quite awhile, but it sure is better for all of us than it was on that first night.



Today we went to a village in Nanchang, which is more than likely where Lexie was born and where she was in foster care. Not this exact village, I don't think, but probably similar. Jiangxi is an agricultural center, so most families live in the village and they farm for a living. It was very remote, very dead feeling, to tell you the truth. We saw almost all baby boys, and only one baby girl. Lisa told us that the people don't really know about the adoptions taking place - the people asked why our babies don't look like us. I found that extremely strange. Don't they put it together that they don't want girls and are abandoning them, and we all have a bunch of girls? It was very odd to me, but they are living in this areas where they don't have TV and many don't even have running water - so the world is a different place for them.



I learned a few more things. If you have a girl, you can try 5 years later to have a boy, but if you have a boy first, you have to stop. She said that if you get caught having a second child you can lose your job and everything, so people are very scared of getting caught. I asked how they can sneak and be pregnant and abandon the babies, and she had a great point. She said there are so many people here, and there are, that many times they just go from village to village and nobody knows who they are. So it is easy with such a large population to be somewhat anonymous, to give birth, abandon your baby, and then move on with your life. I still am grappling with all of this, and I'll probably never totally understand. It just makes me so sad - there are no other words.



We were allowed to walk into one of the homes. The downstairs was all cement, like a basement, and that's where the kitchen and eating area was, and the garage, all in one area. Upstairs however was pretty nice (I only saw photos of this portion)- marble floor, very clean, with a couple of bedrooms and what will one day be a bathroom. It was tiled and looked like it was stubbed for plumbing, but they must not be able to afford the rest at the moment. In this home lived 2 grandparents, mom and dad, and 2 boys. They probably got permission to have the extra child because they are farmers and could prove they needed more farm hands. There were signs in Chinese above the doors, and I asked what they said. Lisa said they were like congratulation signs - single blessing, means your daughter got married and went to live with her in laws, and double blessing, she got married and had a baby boy. It's all about having the baby boy, their retirement.



The reason I couldn't go in the upstairs is because little Lexie freaked out. As soon as I started to walk in, she started arching her back and screaming crying. I ran out as fast as I could. Did it remind her of home? I'm not sure... I keep wondering so many things and probably always will. She is intrigued by the water coming out of the faucet - did they have running water? She walked through the grass with such curiosity yesterday - did they allow her to run in the grass, or was it just dusty roads like we saw today? She shakes hands with all the little kids she sees - did she have little kids living in their home, did her FM encourage her to do this when she met people? How did she get the bruise on the front of her forehead? Did anyone think her dimples we just so cute that they couldn't stand themselves? Did they make herself cry herself to sleep, or did they sing and rock her? I just wonder and will probably always ask myself these unanswerable questions...



Please pray for me tomorrow. We go to the orphanage, and they have the birth note Lexie's birth mother wrote. They may give me a copy, they may not. I need prayers, because I want the note so Lexie will have one tangible from the woman who gave her life. We also will be able to see the spot where she was abandoned - in front of the orphanage. I'm not sure what that will do to me, to us.



We're only going into certain areas of the orphanage, although it is supposed to be a very nice one. I wonder what that means, and I guess we'll know soon. Holt has many programs going on here, so we'll spend most of our time in these rooms - probably not where most of the babies live. Lexie would have been in the baby unit, probably for about a month - while the observed her and found her a home. That we'll be able to see...



I had my worst China experience to date today. We decided to ride to the area where they make porcelain (Nanchang is known for their hand painted porcelain) so we had to ride a taxi. As soon as we got into the car - Lexie started screaming mama - so again I wonder, has she ever been in a car? Did they do this every day? Did they have a car?? The people drive like crazy - it was hopefully my last taxi ride here - it was SO scary. Tori was praying away, and I was holding on to Lexie for dear life as she was flopping all over the place. Truly, how people don't get hurt more often on the roads is beyond me- they just start walking out in the street and hope that they won't get hit I guess. Anyhow, all the twists and turns made Lexie throw up all over the place - so we had to go back. We might not end up with any porcelain at all - oh well. I can't handle another ride like that.

So, that's about today's report.... Overall, it was a really great day. Lexie did a lot of laughing with us, she ran up and down the halls, she ate well, she let me hold her and play with her all day - until bedtime of course. She was and is amazing - we are so totally in love with her; I can't imagine loving her any more than we do. I do wish I could meet her foster mom and her birth mom for just a brief moment to thank them for this treasure; for now I thank God daily for giving her life, and for bringing us to each other. We truly did not deserve her, but we will never stop being thankful that we got her. As I've said so many times... my cup runneth over.