Hi again! Yesterday was Lexie's trip to the pediatrician, which went very very well. Dr. Dewling said that she is very healthy and is right on track developmentally. She actually said that her records were the best records she's received for an international adoption, so I credit the orphanage and Holt for doing an excellent job in that respect. The only thing we can't measure is her language development, because none of us know what she's saying! :-) She knows baba and mama, and surprisingly enough, she calls Billy and me by our names. She can't say Tori and Katie, but she'll point to them when we ask - Where's Tori or Where's Katie. By this, I am shocked. So, Dr. Dewling things she'll be talking in a month - we'll see...
I felt a sense of sadness, however, when I filled out the paperwork - it asked all these questions... Father's family history, Mother's family history, history of illnesses, previous reactions to immunizations, first word, month at which sat up, month at which walked, etc. I have this baby on my lap, who is totally and completely ours, who I love with my entire heart, and I don't know any of these things??? I felt powerless and helpless, but I had to let it go. God reminded me that some things I will never know, nor do I need to. The blank page is part of her life that I will have to accept. It's all about that trust with which I am dealing...
This picture is of Lexie trying to open the cabinet - which again floored us. We were sitting in the room waiting, and she went over to the cabinet, noticed the lock, then ran over to Billy. She was looking in my bag for something, and I said - Billy, I think she wants the keys. He gave them to her, and she immediatly ran to the lock and tried to open it. We were hysterical - she definitely learned that in the village, because in China with us we had key card entry!!
On a slight bad note, we agreed to let them give Lexie 2 vaccinations that she hadn't had yet, and I don't know what I was thinking; actually I wasn't. It didn't even cross my mind that she might react negatively, and she did. She was SO fussy all day, and at 10:15 she woke up with a high fever, crying so hard, cheeks bright red, and she couldn't walk. She was crying words repeatedly in Chinese that I couldn't understand. So, we felt awful - as if she hadn't been through enough already, right? It was pitiful. We ended up on the phone with the nurse and then the dr., and we finally got her to sleep and got the fever down. Today she was fine, but it was a small scare.
As I was sitting there holding her, I of course first called my mom to ask - what do I do??? I needed her reassurance as always. And then I felt like I needed to call her birth mom and her foster mom to let them know what was happening - has this happened before? what did you do? - to reassure them that I was going to take care of her, that she was going to be ok, and that we wouldn't let anything happen to her. I prayed deep down that they know in their hearts that she is this cared for, but again, I know that they too live with a blank page that leaves no answers.
It was a milestone for me and Lexie, despite all of that. As pitiful as she was, she was looking at me with these little glassy eyes, but in them I saw trust, real trust. Like she knew I was going to make it better. When we were falling asleep, she held her water in one hand, and her other little hand reached over on top of mine. Before I knew what happened, she was holding my hand and fell asleep. I think she decided I could be her mommy.
